GUILT AND BLAME

Abusers Guilt

Abusers do not feel guilty or sorry for hurting their victims. Abusers may apologize, but the apology is given so that they will not face consequences or be held accountable for their actions; they are not  sorry for the damage they have caused, because they feel justified in their actions and entitled to abuse.

Victim’s Guilt

Many victims of domestic violence are made to feel guilty for many reasons.

Personal Guilt

Victims may feel guilty for ending the marriage or relationship. Victims may believe they have caused the situation, and that by leaving, they are the ones to blame.

All victims must remember that they are not to blame for his actions, and that they would not have left if their partner had not been abusive.

Guilt Used By Abuser

Abusers rarely believe they have done anything wrong, so they manipulate the victims to make make them feel responsible.

Abusers may call and say it is the victim’s fault the marriage is over or that they lost their job, have no money to pay bills, etc. If abusers are ever going to change, they must realize that they have to face the consequences of their actions. This does not happen very often.

Family, Religious, Community, Law Enforcement

People who love you and should protect you sometimes do not understand what is going on, so they may unintentionally contribute to your feelings of guilt and self-blame.

Family members may blame you for causing turmoil in their lives or for the threats from the abuser.

Religious organizations may believe that you should return, be a “good” spouse and give the abuser one more chance. They may remind you that you made a vow, for better or worse, if you are married. They may tell you that the man is the head of the household, and you should try harder to be a better wife or partner.

The community and law enforcement may minimize your feelings and the danger, thus contributing to your feelings of self-blame and guilt. They may not understand the pain and torment of what you have been through.

You have no reason to be guilty or sorry; the choice of being a victim was not yours; it was forced upon you.

Children

A child’s home torn apart due to domestic violence can be very traumatic, but if children continue to stay in a domestic violence situation, they may become victims, too, or they may grow up to be abusers. Children may blame the parent for leaving their home and “destroying their lives."

Children do not understand the severity of the situation, nor do they understand what is best for all members of the family. It is very difficult to have children blame and accuse you, but you must realize that you the adult, and it is your responsiblity to make decisions that are in the best interest of your children. 

VICTIMS ARE NOT GUILTY FOR THE VIOLENCE COMMITED BY THEIR ABUSERS ON THEIR BODY, MIND, OR SPIRIT.

Maury County 24--hour Crisis and Referral Hotline at 931-381-8580

OR National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Maury County Center Against Domestic Violence

P.O. Box 1961, Columbia, TN 38402

Or contact us at: 931-840-0916